Everything I Ordered From Amazon During Our First Week in the New House
You say "capitalist sheep," I say "baaa, bitch."
I will never not shop Amazon or Target. Ok? There. I said it. It’s been stated. And if you think I’m a shitty person for that, I can’t help you. In fact, I feel that says more about you than it does me. So I’ll see you in hell I guess because I’ve known that’s where I’m going for a long time.
As a mother (which is so annoying to say but it really applies tenfold here), both companies have never been more important to me in terms of supply and convenience. I, like so many, am an absolute slut for convenience and instant gratification. We come by it honestly — it’s the world’s fault. Not ours. We’ve been conditioned. Blame it on Bezos (BIOB).
We started moving a week ago today and, since then, I’ve ordered nearly $500 worth of things from Amazon as I’ve needed them. So today, I’m going to share everything I’ve ordered to our new house over the last week: the organizational, the everyday, and the down right boring.
Let’s go.
P.S. I shared a full house tour and lots of pictures in this letter for paying subscribers if your nosiness gets the best of you.
New House Tour!!!
I am LOADING this letter up with pictures. If you don’t have the Substack app and tend to read my letters via email, you’ll probably need to hit “View entire message” at the bottom of this email in order to see all the photos. Also, it’s worth getting the app because you can actually zoom in on the pictures!
Organizational
In this new house, we have a true walk-in pantry and it’s… sexual. It’s what domestic wet dreams are made of. In our last home, I kept all our spices in a big drawer with a spice drawer organizer, which worked super well. Alas, our new pantry and kitchen setup doesn’t call for that; it calls for spices being organized on the pantry counter for quick access all the time. Therefore, I ordered this tiered spice rack so I can see all my spices at once, and it’s perfect.
Again, in our last house, we made a special spot for our cutting boards during our 2024 kitchen renovation by adding two beautiful, tall drawers on either side of our range with built-in slots to stand them up. This house doesn’t have that, so instead, I ordered this cutting board holder to display the 3 cutting boards I use the most. I need them out and at-the-ready, so I’m happy with this decision and fine with it taking up counter real estate.
Our knives have been living nestled comfortably in an in-drawer knife organizer, but I decided to switch things up for this kitchen setup and ordered a magnetic knife block that will live on the counter. It was super simple to put together and the magnetic force is strong with this one (yes, Star Wars reference).
Under-the-Sink Organizational Baskets
I’m trying to remember where I saw these. I want to say it was an Instagram ad (they are targeting the shit out of me right now). Or maybe my friend who does professional organization for a living, Emily Aull, posted them? Either way, they are everything and more. The satisfaction I felt after putting them together and seeing how perfectly they fit under our sink was intense. R-rated, if you will. The way they PULL OUT for even more convenience just sent me over the edge (of glory). And they’re totally adjustable, so you can make them as tall or as short as your space calls for.
These I DEFINITELY saw via a video Emily Aull shared and was immediately intrigued. Our new closet has built-in shelves for whatever you desire, and I’m definitely going to store my shoes there. I have small feet (size 7), so I think adding an additional “shelf” to each shelf would work well and allow me to fit 6 shoes on one shelf as opposed to just 3. I haven’t put them together yet, but am hopeful about my plan to expand!
You’re supposed to store berries in the fridge with NO lid (as to not trap the moisture), which is what I’ve been doing for a long time. Our new kitchen inspired me to get fancy with it and order actual ceramic berry baskets to create a totally unnecessary but really nice aesthetic when you open the fridge, and I have no regrets.
Lifestyle
We have a second floor! Which means we have stairs! Which means Ziggy and his brother (and the dogs, honestly) need to be contained in a new way! Therefore, I ordered two of these baby/dog gates to control the traffic the best I can and try to avoid anyone hurting themselves. Ziggy has quickly become an expert on climbing up and down the stairs, which is great but he is but a 16-month-old who cannot be trusted. So gates it is.
Speaking of Ziggy, he was NOT a fan of his new bathtub at first. The first two nights, bath time was full of tears. So I asked one of my besties who is known for her bath toy collection about what I should get him to make his new setup more exciting, and she suggested this incredible submarine toy. You fill it with balls and water, press the button, and watch them pop out the bottom! He’s obsessed and so are we. He hasn’t shed a tear since we set it up.
Ziggy also got a new pair of velcro sneakers because all he wants to be is outside, always. And we have a big backyard now with lots of ground to cover, so he needs good shoes that won’t slide off. These are GREAT. Velcro for the win.
Okay, this SEEMS boring but hear me out. IT’S NOT. If you have a glass shower door, this silicone squeegee is amazing. We had a metal one in our old shower and had to attach it to the wall with adhesive and all that jazz and it got rusty and shit. This squeegee is, dare I say, pretty? And I LOVE that it has a built-in hook so you can hang it at the top of the door and be done with it. I got the sage green color.
Mine crapped out right before we moved so, to add insult to injury, I was walking around with a pretty mean mustache during the Move from Hell™️. I finally remembered to order a new one and am happy to say Zac is the only family member with a ‘stache around here.
Speaking of skin, I LOVE dermaplaning my side burns and jawline and usually just use my moisturizer as a shaving barrier but I looked it up, and saw that jojoba oil is recommended for dermaplaning and promptly ordered some like the good student I am.
Boring
Now for the boring shit.
We needed a new BIG ASS refill bottle for our automatic soap dispenser, so I got us one.
The very first thing we did when we moved in was have a company come out and frost our glass front door. To think that anyone ever lived here without any sort of tint or privacy on the front door glass is insane to me. Maybe they had a curtain up at one point, but there’s no evidence of that. Anyway, the guy who installed the film told us to only use Spray Away to clean it and said it’s great for all glass, so I ordered a 6-pack to keep us stocked up.
Sigh. Just… Cece’s butthole and overall private area is… not pretty. That’s all I’ll say.
Forever yours and Bezos’ bitch,
EGM
SO informative...this substack is a "keeper "for future reference. Thank you for sharing...and thank you for caring! I. AM. YOUR. MOTHER.
I don't give a crap where someone shops. It's none of my nevermind (please someone get this reference). 😂 I love all these options. The boards rack was super cute and I swear by that glass cleaner! There's no ammonia, so it's great for tinted car windows, too!