A Stylist Created a Dressing Guide for Me and I'll Never Be the Same

Alt title: Bye forever, high-rise pants. We had a good run.

Being a woman is hard. We know this. We’ve always known this. We were raised to know this.

Our confidence ebbs and flows day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute (of course, a lot of the ebbing depends on whether you’re in the luteal phase or ovulating, but I digress).

I’ve always been into clothes and fashion and shopping. Ellen raised us that way, and I’m grateful for it because it’s fun. Benny Drama (of Overcompensating and Ride, the podcast) once joked that he can shop anywhere, and that’s how the Golden Girls are. Heading to REI? Bet you didn’t know I ate in hiking shorts that I’ll never hike in. You think popping into a gas station is safe? I need this keychain charm, the new US Weekly, and a bag of chips, thank you. Going to a men’s tuxedo rental shop? I bet there’s a tchotchke upfront we have to have (OK, this is a stretch. But you get the idea).

I think personal style is something you define 100 times over throughout your life. Mine has been evolving since the first Limited Too tee that ever touched my body and has seen many phases since. I’ve never been afraid to clean out/purge my closet to get rid of old trends or pieces I don’t love anymore to make way for the new. Minimalism, maximalism, androgynous thrift store (real ones know) — I’ve done it all.

But postpartum “style” has stumped me. Not only is my body recalibrating from the nearly year-long sacrifice it just made, but I just don’t feel good in 90% of the clothes I used to wear B.Z. (Before Ziggy). Fluctuating so much in size doesn’t help at all, of course and, on top of that, my new, much saggier chest and looser stomach skin are throwing me for a loop on the daily.

In short, I don’t like getting dressed right now. It sucks. I hate it. I feel insecure in nearly everything I put on and typically end up in a white t-shirt and jeans, which isn’t an innately “bad” look — it’s just boring and I want more from my closet.

Enter Riley Shonka, a Kansas City-based personal stylist who saw me struggling openly on Instagram and reached out to offer her services. Riley — @letsgetdressed_kc — styles, shops, organizes, and responds to every panicked email and text with a calm, extremely informed tone that feels like a warm hug from a really smart, stylish friend. She’s a grade-A professional, and I am simply blown away by her process and what she’s already been able to do for me confidence-wise.

Before we started working together, Riley had me do some “homework” including getting my measurements (shoulders, chest, waist, hips, torso) and fill out a detailed questionnaire covering a slew of style-related questions. The reward for my homework? A 12-page outfitting guide tailored to my exact body shape and needs (a petite/short-waisted hourglass, thank you very much).

The guide covers it all and then some. From general “rules” to follow (ex: NO MORE HIGH-RISE BOTTOMS, defining the waist at all costs, and no thick/wide belts ever) to categorical yeses and nos re: tops, bottoms, dresses, blazers, etc.

If you don’t already know that I immediately printed the guide and got out my highlighter and pen… well, now you know.

The rest of today’s letter will be paywalled to honor Riley’s hard work and expertise. In it, I will share way more detail about Riley’s approach and guide and how I’m going to be shopping moving forward.